The Stories We Eat

“Bro, I landed in Birmingham, who is coming to pick me up?” KK asked.

“My friend is. Before you leave the airport, do you see a Greggs?” Ash replied.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Grab a few sausage rolls and chicken rolls for the lads, we haven’t had breakfast yet.” 

“Yeah, cool.” 

This was my first real taste of British culture. Greggs, the holy grail of the Brits. As I stood in line to get the rolls for the lads and myself, I realised that almost everyone, as soon as they landed, grabbed something from Greggs. Were the pastries so good or were they just affordable?

When it was my turn to order, the counter assistant addressed me by calling me ‘Sir’. I know it’s a common thing in India, but after living in Scandinavia for a few years, it came across as a cultural shock. I don’t think anyone has ever called me ’Sir’ in Sweden. Maybe because they were never colonised by the Brits, or over time, they started placing far less emphasis on social hierarchy, choosing to treat people as equals regardless of their social class, which we Indians haven’t yet. After all, if our leaders still blame the Brits for the country’s current state and call the youth cockroaches, what more can we expect? 

I got my order, went to my friend’s place and had our rolls, and to my surprise, even though it was bland, I kind of liked them. By the way, it’s exactly how they describe it, a sausage in a pastry with no spices or anything, and I understood why people like it. It’s comfort food. It doesn’t break the bank. The first time I had a sausage roll from Greggs, I didn’t like it. Probably because my friend got one for me from the UK when he was visiting me and I had to reheat it, and it wasn’t fresh. I know what you’re thinking, Wow, such a nice friend and you were an absolute jerk by saying yeah this ain’t good. Hey, not my fault I was spoilt by eating egg puffs all my life and expected some sautéed onions with a few spices inside the pastry.  

After finishing our rolls, we headed towards the Isle of Skye in Scotland. On our way, we stopped at a small town called Alexandria where we got dinner from a Chinese takeaway called Wok Wong. The fried rice was decent, but the owner was sweet, he gave us free spring rolls and prawn crackers, probably because we were the last customers and he didn’t want to waste food, I guess. 

The funniest thing happened while we were walking to this place, a random Scottish lady started shouting to her friend nearby, “There are five of them!”. God knows what she meant by that, did she mean tourists or Indians who weren’t welcomed in her country? Who knows? Also, an elderly drunk gentleman started shouting something at us in an aggressive manner. But honestly, we couldn’t understand a word he said, I don’t know whether it was because he was drunk or Scottish. 

The next day started with us visiting this pretty little town called Luss. Judging by the number of tourists there, I’d guess it’s a very famous spot which is near Loch Lomond. After a quick stroll around the town, I decided to get a breakfast roll. Now, now I was as confused as those of you reading this and looking at the picture. Where’s the bloody roll? Isn’t a roll something that’s supposed to be wrapped so it looks like a cylinder that’s open on both sides? Apparently not the case in the UK. 

So a breakfast roll consists of a soft round bread roll or a bap, as they call it in some parts of the country, sliced and filled with your choice of fillings. I got mine with bacon, a potato scone, and scrambled eggs with ketchup. Well, I know for a fact I got judged by both the waiter and my friend when I said I wanted scrambled eggs, and rightly so, because it got incredibly messy to eat. But it was so worth it. The bap, as they call it, was perfect. The scrambled eggs were cooked to perfection, and the crunchy potato scone, along with the crispy bacon in each and every bite… oh wow. I was absolutely amazed at how something so simple could taste so good. 

It’s known to many that pav comes from pão, a Portuguese term for bread. It did get me thinking that the vada pav is very similar to a breakfast roll. If you deconstruct it, the vada pav has a pav or bread roll which is sliced but not completely, has two types of chutneys, whereas a breakfast roll has two types of sauces, brown or red, and it has a vada, whereas a breakfast roll can have other unhealthy processed meats. But either way, for the love of God, stop calling it the Indian burger or India’s version of a burger as many Caucasians do. I’m pretty sure Ashok Vaidya didn’t travel to the West in the 60s to get inspired to make an Indian burger. 

Back to the trip, after a long drive and admiring the scenic beauty of the Scottish countryside, we reached our campsite on the Isle of Skye. Camping was a last-minute decision as we couldn’t find any accommodation within our budget. But I’m not complaining. I had never camped or slept in a tent in my life before this, so I was pretty excited. I would have been happier if I hadn’t gotten bitten by midges and other insects as a super smart friend of mine had forgotten to bring the insect spray and left it in his car parked safely at home. 

After spending the night getting bitten by midges and eating crisps (as the residents of the UK call them and not chips) for dinner, we began the next day by visiting Neist Point. I honestly couldn’t get enough of the view over here. Absolutely stunning. You could also see sheep running around, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the shepherd had named at least one of his sheep Shaun. 

While looking at signboard at this place, is when I came to know that Scotland has its own language called Gaelic, which is spoken very rarely. Something I had no clue about until I visited there. Perhaps, I was also an ignorant tourist who assumed that everyone in the UK spoke only English. Could this be one of the reasons why some Scots want Scotland to have its own identity instead of constantly being lumped together with England or being viewed as an extension of it?

After visiting Neist Point, we decided to head to the Old Man of Storr, but before this, we made a pit stop at this cute little town called Portree on the way, where we found a local chippy to go have the most famous dish all over the UK, fish and chips. 

We found a place called ‘The Harbour Fish and Chip Shop’, which apparently is the longest established fish and chip shop in the town. Who knows these facts? I suppose we should trust their claims, but dear god, that fish was delicious. I couldn’t resist adding mushy peas, curry sauce, and salt and vinegar to the meal. 

While this wasn’t as fancy as the one I had in Copenhagen, still this was amazing. Freshly caught fish, that was super crispy, perfectly complimented with the tartar sauce and mushy peas. The curry sauce was a delightful surprise as the freshly cut chips were perfectly paired with it, something I didn’t expect at all.

This is how fish and chips should be, simple, beautifully battered, served with freshly cut chips and accompanied by the sauce of your choice. But not ketchup, fries or chips with ketchup, in the words of Joey Tribbiani, ‘Goood’, but fried fish with ketchup, nah, that’s equivalent to having Maggi with ketchup. A cardinal sin. 

So after a heavy lunch, we decided to do a small hike at the Old Man of Storr. Since none of us were dressed appropriately for a long hike and had just eaten a heavy lunch, we decided we’ll hike halfway there and take it easy, and bask in the beauty as the peaks of the hills touched the clouds. 

On the last day when before we left the campsite to Edinburgh, I noticed something that made me smile. I watched a dad play catch with his son for a while before they started packing too. When his mum had told them it’s time to leave, the kid asked his dad to play with him for some more time, to which his dad happily agreed to do.

I’m guessing it might have annoyed the mum a little, but the kid was happy. I’m pretty sure this would be a memory both of them would cherish for years to come. There’s a slight chance the kid might not remember it. But if he does, I hope he looks back on it with fond memories, because these are the things we should cherish and value. 

The dad, for sure, would remember this when his son is a moody teenager who thinks he’s too cool for his dad and thinks “Damn, I miss playing with my kid.” To all the dads out there, and the ones who want to have kids, remember that these are the moments that your kids are going to remember you for, not the hours you spent at the office or the title on your business card. 

During my short stay in Scotland, I became hooked on a fizzy drink called ‘Irn-Bru’. Well, I had to try it after watching countless Youtube videos of celebrities trying it on Snack wars on Lad Bible’s channel. To be honest, it tasted strange at first, but I couldn’t get enough of it. I drank it almost every day, even swapping out my Coke Zero for an Irn-Bru at Maccies, a UK slang for McDonald’s. Which honestly, is a cool name. 

After arriving pretty late on a Monday evening in Edinburgh, most of the restaurants were closed so decided to order some food. The boys opted to order food from Pepe’s, a fast food chain in the UK that specialises in piri piri chicken. Honestly, I have to say at this point, I was super jealous of everyone in the UK because wow, the piri piri chicken with garlic mayo was simply outstanding. I mean imagine coming back after a night out, or a super long day at work and eating that beautiful, yet simple meal. It tasted so good that I even had a friend’s left over meal for breakfast the next day. 

Since Edinburgh was an impromptu plan, we didn’t have much time but we made sure we visited ‘Elephant Café’, the so called birth place of Harry Potter. So this is the café where J.K. Rowling wrote parts of the first Harry Potter book. They even have a place called the writer’s room where you can get a table overlooking the Edinburgh Castle. As a muggle myself, I had to visit this place and get the butterscotch beer – a butterscotch infused fizzy drink with vanilla-flavoured whipped cream on top. 

We also tried their award wining pies which weren’t that great to my liking. But the best part of this café is that they don’t have Wi-Fi, so unless you have cellular data, you can actually talk to people instead of scrolling on your phone – a lost art indeed. 

Before leaving Scotland, I had to try the supposed national dish ‘Haggis’.  I unfortunately forgot the name of the restaurant I had it at. But regardless of what others say and how it grosses you out when you hear what it’s made of, I enjoyed it. I don’t want to go into the details of how they use a sheep’s heart, liver and lungs to make this minced meat dish, so google it yourself. And of course I got myself a glass of Irn-Bru to have it with. 

When we made it back to England, the next morning I explored the streets of Birmingham after having a full English Breakfast at Grand Central Kitchen. I must say two things surprised me the most. 

The first one : beans on toast. My god. I wasn’t expecting that to be one of the best things I had during my trip, even though I kept farting a lot for the entire day after having them.

The second: the waitress taking my order, she came up to me and said, “Good Morning darling, what would you like to have?” 

After placing my order, she went “Alright love, that’ll take 10-15 minutes.” 

Now, now, I was a little confused, so is this how people greet each other generally, and apparently yes. It’s a common thing for people to call you love or darling while taking your order and it’s their way of being polite. Interesting right, things you would have never known if you didn’t travel to another country. 

I stopped for a while at the Birmingham Library and went to the terrace, where I got a good view of the city. As I stood there for a while, I noticed something that caught my eye. An immigrant mother was watching her kid cycle and clapping her hands in enthusiasm when the kid was cycling zigzag while avoiding manhole covers. 

While this moment made me smile, it also made me wonder : will the kids in the future have the chance to play, enjoy and figure out life, or will we ask them to run a rat race at an early age because the world has become so competitive? also how simple life must be till they learn what AI is. One thing is for sure, we have to try to leave this world a better place than the one we were born into so future generations don’t suffer. 

As an Indian, irrespective of where you are in the world, you probably can’t go days without having Indian food. So naturally, we decided to get biryani for dinner at this restaurant called ‘Hyderabad Wala’ and I have to say, this was probably the best Indian food I’ve had outside India. Pros of immigration, innit? 

We also decided to get the dragon chicken, an Indo-Chinese starter, and my goodness. One bite of that chicken and I had a tear in my eye. The restaurant had got it spot on. It instantly made me miss home. 

The next day, before I left the UK, I decided to pick up breakfast at Greggs. It was then that I finally understood why Greggs is an institution in the UK. It’s not a fancy café. You’d definitely get better sausage rolls elsewhere, perhaps like the one I had in Copenhagen. But Greggs ain’t that, it’s simple, affordable and quick food for people on the go. Irrespective of your social class, whether you’re a student, a nurse, a sanitation worker, a business man, or a teacher, you could walk into Greggs and get yourself a quick bite without worrying about it breaking your bank. The fact that it’s simple and focuses more on convenience than taste is what attracts the crowd. 

I realise that in my previous post, I was hasty in my judgement of Greggs. It was only after visiting the UK that I understood why it’s such an integral part of their society, or why Gordon Ramsay was raving about it on Masterchef. This is what travel does to you, it changes your ideologies and beliefs that you were so confident about. 

One thing I’d advise any adult, irrespective of their age, is to travel. If you’re healthy and have the financial ability to travel, then please do. It changes your perspective about life.

And then probably, when someone asks you, “What superpower you’d want to have?” you’d reply : “The ability to walk in someone else’s shoes for a mile” instead of saying I want to fly or be invincible. 

– KK